_ So if you haven't noticed, and I know no one has 'cause no one reads this but all my blog posts are now entitled "big fat *insert subject*", that's just for me, I like consistency and I'm immature so that tracks, ANYWAY it's a fun one today. You know how people were talkm 'bout Roman empires a few years ago, well I never got to stick my 2 pence in so here you go, and before you @ me yes, I think about these on an almost daily basis, I've fact checked them, they're real, but I've struggled to ever find anyone that remembers them.
The first one is Mad Donna.. no not Madonna, we know her. So in the early 2000s I swear down there was a song that sounded exactly like Ray of Light that was released and the artist was called 'Mad Donna' and the fun thing about this was the fact the lyrics were just the nursery rhyme 'The Wheels on the Bus', don't believe me? YouTube that shit. Anyway so 11/12-ish year old me absolutely knew who Madonna was and I remember seeing Mad Donna on Top of the Pops and thinking, oh wow, she's rebranded to make herself more like, down with the kids.. OR maybe this is like a side hustle for her, like Y2K early KidzBop??
But yeah if you actually listen to the song itself it's literally a Madge rip, not sure who green lit that but I bet she was mad mad (pun intended). Side note, the song (I think) charted top 20 in the UK or some shit, and then we never heard from poor Mad Donna ever again. Madge however, god love her, but she doesn't even own a neck anymore, I'm glad she's still going but something in me tells me she needs to lie down.
And SECONDLY, I don't know the dates for this but again in the early Y2K Kelly Osbourne did a TERRIBLE like reality TV program, 4/6 episodes, entitled "Kelly Osbourne - Turning Japanese" and the premise was yes you guessed it, white woman loves Japan because Kawaii, not problematic at all. Anyway despite this I've rewatched a few episodes since, mainly the ones where she works in a sex hotel, and maid café, and if you can overlook the appropriation it's actually kind of iconique.
That's not the roman empire bit btw, specifically there's a, what I'm calling, lost episode (mainly because I can't find a fun link for it) where she goes to like a Japanese Kindergarten right and she tells all these cute ass tiny little Japanese toddlers that she's a famous singer (lol) and they're like OMG KELLY SING A SONG, and she's like, oh has anyone watched "The Neverending Story movie", no Kelly they haven't they're like 5.. anyway she proceeds to sing the song Neverending Story to these poor kids and it's the funniest most random shit. I'm kinda jealous cause If I was one of those kids and that happened to me it would be my random "tell us a fact about yourself" in EVERY new job I ever got.
I feel better now I've got that off my chest, time to play Fortnite BYE xoxo - P
_ Shall I tell you what I don't understand, when I have a bunch of days off in a row I have ZERO motivation or inspiration to do absolutely anything and it ends up completely wasted, yet when I have actual work to do all I can think about is how much more productive, creative and inspired I could be if I just didn't have to work, the self sabotage be self sabotaging really.
Lol I wrote that yesterday walked away from the computer and never returned, not sure what happened, anyway I'm feeling more positive today, not necessarily productive but beggars really can't be choosers. It's an absolutely gross day outside like, sideways rain type shit, but it's fine cause it's not like I go anywhere and today's no exception. C.Roan has just been released for Fortnite so that's a lot of my day sorted.
ALSO LOL one of my really short term ex boyfriends popped up on my TikTok talking about "gay dating" and the "revelations" he's made, basically the whole thing was him slagging everyone off, telling people he's better than everyone and as usual being a big fat loud mouth. I never did tell him he was just way TOO LOUD and on all the time, sometimes you gotta figure that shit out by yourself, though I'm not sure he's ever going to shut up enough to realise it. But yeah super amusing.
I did a video last night, I have that to edit if I don't cringe to the point of just dying on the spot. It's nothing interesting but it's a start, I was actually just really inspired by a girl on YT called BURNPILE who's super small in terms of channel size. I watched a few of her videos and actually I kind of just want to be like her, she seems like she has a bunch of fun and is super comfortable with just like *being*, if that makes sense.
But yeah I'm gonna go continue todays positive NRG whilst I have it and I'll let you know how it goes.. I have mediocre hopes XD lololol, Kbye - P
_ Monday sux Monday sux Monday sux. Now that's out the way, every day I get itchy to do something big, something chaotic, hard launch the shit out of a big change, but the older I get the more I feel like I need a 5 year plan to go along with any big life changes, and 6-8 business weeks to have it approved by life HR - BORING. The reason it's kicked off today because my fave neighbour is totally secretly selling her house and I'm annoyed at her, one because she hasn't told me, and mostly because I like her but also she's making big ass life changes, she bought a big fat lesbian van, rides around all over the country, and is making stridesss, why can't *I* do that. Why do I feel like I need permission from an adult, NEWSFLASH HEN: YoU aRe ThE aDuLt NoW. You'd think I'd have figured that out already considering I'm in my 30s, but yeah if it wasn't obvious despite her being the THIRD neighbour to leave, I'm not mad at her I'm mad at myself.
That's all besides the point, frankly I better get over myself toot fuckin' sweet man because I can't be this pathetic for the rest of my life. despite having a cushty WFH job it's SOULLLL DRAININGG, I literally was never meant to be a corporate slag, like that bag is for some people but not for me. I'm only doing it for the ease and money, but at what cost.. OH YEAH my SANNNITY. No because I'm pretty sure when I die my purgatory is going to be explaining basic math to angry boomers that cough into my ear holes every 3 words and that genuinely rattles me to my entire core. The only thing I enjoy about that job is my manager, working from bed on cold mornings and the bonuses, end of list. I STG they've been pushing me to like step higher but I made this mistake before a decade ago and lost like a real opportunity to change my life. RAGRETZ ;;
Right time to find some silver linings before I dash myself out the window, activate millennial affirmations (GROSS, SICK).
- Next month the clocks go forwards and we gain an extra hour of sunshine, so it wont be dark at like 4pm anymore.
- My skin is skinning ATM, adult acne, don't know her.
- I only have to work 2 more days this week.
- There's not a man hanging around me telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing.
- I've kept this page/blog up to date for a week now and It's helping clear my psyche.
That wasn't too hard I guess, anyway I'm cutting it short now cause I've ran out of brain energy. I'm going to post this, shower and watch High Potential. P.S. Streaming services just RELEASE THE WHOLE SEASON IN ONE GO YOU FUCKING HEMORRHOIDS (sp?) - BYE XxXxX
_ Helloooo, it's me. It's also Sunday and I'm so bummed about that cause where has my week off gone please? Honestly whoever invented the concept of working needs to kill themselves. Anyway that aside cause it's not even noon yet I'm not gonna bog myself down with it.
Things I need to do today: Laundry loads x 2 + sheets, hoover & mop floors. Everything else is pretty much done so I'm hoping that takes maybe an hour/2 then I have enough energy to do something fun maybe but I haven't figured out what that might be yet. URGHHHH I wish I could just disappear for a year or smth.
Oh I found a disposable vape yesterday lying around the house and I took two hoofs of it (yes I'm mildly disappointed in myself don't start) anyway I realised actually it just makes you feel like a grotty tween so I dashed it aside, that'll be the first job, to toss it in the bin.
I really need to sit down at some point and think about what I need to do this year to get out of this stupid cycle of hating my job, I really need to move on but also my job is kinda easy and cushty, but in being so easy (And the fact I WFH) it makes me not want to figure something else out.
This was less of a blog more a random stream of consciousness, I really don't have more to say today other than it's grey outside, it's gonna be dark by 4, and I need the longer days to hurry the fuck up, seasonal depression really isn't for me. BYE
_ Aye up, little update. Currently on day 2 of 5 off from work (woo), I haven't done a super fat lot today just all the boring shite, washing/tidying. I have however updated this page again! go me!
So another of the reasons I started this other than what I outlined in my previous bloog is that I actually recently got really sick, like sick sick.. I got the flu early December, then when that went I got Tonsilitis, then just coming into the new year fucckkkkk knows what I got but I almost died. It was like everything hit me at once. At one point I was like oh, I'm gonna shit myself, so I ran to the toilet, then a wave of PAIN washed over me which made me feel like I wanted to toss cookies, which lead me to want to pass out.. I decided the best thing to do was to lie on the floor because whatever happened from that point I can't injure myself from passing out and if I shit/sick mesen then I can just clean it up off the tiles. I know gross right.
Anyway that really fucked me over for almost 2 months, it really felt rock bottom, and the whole time towards the end of it I vowed I would do more with my time and just be better in general. So much so that I quit smoking 8 weeks ago, and I've just passed 2 weeks vape free! NGL I'm absolutely bragging to everyone about that rn. Also vaping is so greasy teenager coded GROSS. Cold turkey is for reals though I'm getting at least 1 headache per day since quitting, but on the plus side I think vaping was absolutely KILLING my gums cause I mean I have great teeth but my gums after a Lost Mary were looking well anaemic, SICK.
Suppose you have to take the good with the bad, cliché but the pros are outweighing the cons I guess. Now I just wish I could heave my fat ass back to the gym on the reg. If I'm to snowboard the alps this year as planned I'd like to not be mistaken for a FAT snow yeti by the Swiss. I'm off to go focus on that first video I keep banging on about, ciao ciao - P xoxo
_ Ok I kinda got this thing semi up and running now, which I'm super proud of like go me, it's giving me mad flash backs to simpler days as cheesy as that sounds. Anyway I really wanna focus on expanding this page just day by day and work on a YouTube channel just for funsies, no bullshit, no niches, no scripts, just unfiltered fuckery because I've been gagging for a real resurgence of just actual people being straight up. I know YT isn't exactly like indie web 'n shit but I feel like the snobs over at Substack would hate me and my awful grammar lmfao. I'm also way too old to get to grips with another "social media" platform.
Funny calling it social media now considering It's the complete opposite, what once was us keeping up with our friends and sharing dumb shit like our entire unedited digital camera rolls after a night out is now just ads, influencers, people selling tatt like it's QVC, and beggars "OMG LIKE SUBSCRIBE SHARE TAG THE 12th PERSONS NANS DOG WHO APPEARS WHEN YOU HIT YOUR LEFT BALLSACK AND UNCOVER THE PROMO CODE BELOW FOR 3% OFF FREE SHIPPING" like gag me with a spoon. BORING. Also people out here wanting to go viral and actually I'm kinda loving the fact I know very few people will see this.
Anyway this got long for my first post and I'm abit knacked, ngl they're mostly gonna be rants cause as much as I didn't want to turn into a grumbly old man I somewhat have rofl. Dinner is chicken/pancetta tortellini and a lie down. Lovely time bye xoxo - P